SEXUAL | More will be revealed...incest | Hot

Posted: 21 Nov 2012 08:49 AM PST

The definition of incest is "sexual relations between people classed as being too closely related to marry each other." Its also important to accurately define "sexual relations." Let's define "sexual relations" as any physical contact made with the intent to arouse.

For what I am about to write, understanding "sexual relations" is important. I am about to write about childhood contact with other young family members. I want to draw the distinction between child curiosity and play which might involve some sort of contact or exposure with contact which leads to arousal. Kids play. Kids are curious. In my opinion that is natural and healthy. Perhaps you have a different opinion.

I recall playing doctor with the girl next door when I was 5 or 6ish. The bedroom door was closed. We were alone. I performed a thorough pelvic exam. Mom insisted we come out and play with the other kids. It was a one time thing. End of story.

On the other hand, I have a large extended family with lots of women. I have a young aunt. Whenever I was left with my grandmother, she and I would immediately take off and play show and tell. We did it every time we could. We would find one of the big closets or another nook and cranny in the house and show and touch and feel. We did it when the families traveled. We did it at family events. We did it at holidays. Finally, the last time was when she was 11. She was under the bed and said she said she would come out if I gave her oral sex. I declined.

I also have a very beautiful cousin. I spent childhood years trying to manipulate the situation to mirror that of my aunt. Sometimes my aunt would try to help. It never happened.

I would steal my aunts' panties. I recall going to my grandparents' home and going through my aunties' dresser drawers in their rooms, and rummaging through, taking what I wanted and sneaking out with them. I got caught once. Later, when I was older, and would visit or stay over at one of my aunties' apartments, I would do the same thing.

I have another aunt. I tried for years to voyeur her in particular. I got caught looking in the bathroom through an outside window while she was using the toilet. I think I feel off the stump I was standing on.

I have another second cousin. My grandmother would babysit her sometimes while she was watching me and my young aunt. I tried, unsuccessfully, to engage in similar contact with her that I had with my aunt.

I recall after a family event one night, I was clothed laying in my bed, this is about age 13, and my young aunt was rolled over with her back against me and sleeping. Yet another cousin came in and joined us on the bed. With my aunt laying in the bed with her back towards me, and my cousin on the other side, I started caressing my cousin's breasts. She did not object. That was as far as it went.

I recall being in a station wagon when I was maybe 13 or so, and an older cousin, maybe in her thirties or forties, was sitting next to me. I recall I let me arm drift into her breast. Then I moved it away. She then used her finger nails to scratch me in a way that indicated that what I was doing was OK. I got scared a that point.

Two things should be obvious: Firstly, I have a large and loving family that liked to spend time together. Secondly, my conduct was predatory. My youngest expression of sexuality was of a predatory nature.

I don't care why I am a sex addict, but it is clear from this that my patterns started earlier than early adolescents. I am not quite sure what to do with these recollections. They are painful. I'm not so sure that my patterns have really differed that much. I still look for what is available rather than pursue that which is meaningful.

When I thought of incest in the past, it was generally as an older man with a younger girl. But, incest is broader than that. Incest can occur among cousins and siblings as well. This is what I failed to see or understand.

I have had years to process this information through SA. I think this is something I will discuss with my sponsor. Stay tuned...more will be revealed.

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Rabu, 21 November 2012

SEXUAL | More will be revealed...incest | Hot

SEXUAL | More will be revealed...incest | Hot

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