SEXUAL | Man O Man | Hot

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Man O Man Posted: 15 Oct 2012 03:55 PM PDT I have two stories about my sex with men. The first is the story I use to seduce women. That story runs like this: I had sex with a man for the benefit of a woman who wanted to watch. Complete horseshit. A variation of this theme runs like this: I found my best sexual self when I cross dressed and had sex with men. Also complete horseshit. But, I found a lot of sex addict women loved the story. It worked for me. If you think that is at least little strange, congratulate yourself. You are probably healthy. The real story: I found a trans-sexual on line and paid for sex.  That was the first time I touched another guy's part. It was not that exciting, actually. Sex with men was a part of my addict progression. I'm not physically or sexually attracted to men. There are men in my life whom I un-reservedly love but it would never occur to me to express that love through sexual intimacy. For me, same sex attraction is strictly about my sex addict acting out. I have probably had sexual contact with 12-15 men, maybe, and likely, more. I did not come to this form of act out until I was in my forties. I paid for sex with transsexual men I found on line. I found other cross dressers and had sex with them. I had sex with men when it was as part of a couple. I never had sex with a gay man just for sex. I tried that once and chickened out. I never had completely anonymous sex, i.e, at a park or at an adult arcade. I cannot honestly say that I am bi sexual. When I have sexual sobriety, I do not have any same sex attraction. It is not something I do as a sexually sober person. It is clear to me that the progression of my sexual addiction came to include encounters with men in the same way that my progression grew from fantasy and masturbation to compulsive masturbation to the use of images, pornographic images, phone sex, video, and ultimately cyber sex. It is clear to me that my same sex encounters came from an un-healthy place within me: my sex addict self. I actually did cross the gender divide. I never thought I would or could. I never identified as gay or bi sexual and still do not. I am thinking now of the other internal boundaries I have yet to cross. That scares me. My addict self bulldozed over this one important boundary. The most elemental aspect of my addiction is that I do things I do not want to do. I never particularly wanted  to have sexual relations with men (or read or buy porn for that matter.) . This particular conduct speaks to the power of my addict self to take me to places I never thought I could or would go. Its rather frightening.

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